Question: Does making a man wait 90 days to have sex insure that he won’t dog me out? – A practice suggested in Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a lady think like a man”
I get so many dating and relationship questions now from people who’ve seen me on YouTube or belong to my relationship facebook group. I’m humbled by all. I got a question couple weeks ago and I’d like to share my answer. The question comes from a chapter in Steve Harvey’s new book “Act like a lady think like a man” where he says women should wait 90 days before sleeping with a man
Question: Does making a man wait 90 days to have sex ensure that he won’t dog me out?
Answer: Do not, I repeat Do not follow this 90 day rule. If you are going to use this rule don’t ever tell the guy out loud that you are doing so. Don’t get me wrong, Steve’s book has some amazing information in it and I would highly recommend it but I think he could have explained the “90 day rule” chapter a bit better. Women are out here taking that literally and getting some bad results. This might seem like a very sensible practice but hear me out. As a woman you don’t want to use what’s between your legs as a bargaining chip to motivate a guy get to know you. If you’re an adult with a job, student, or have children 90 days might mean 6 or 7 actually dates and many text messages and phone calls. That’s not really that much interaction or quality time spent. To place an actual time frame on when you’re willing to give your self to a man is not the right way to go. You don’t want to turn your first sexual experience with a guy into a sport: Something to be conquered. Men love a challenge and if they want something they’ll stick around as long as they have even if it means getting what they want. Just because he sticks around until 90 days that doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you
A man waiting 90 days to sleep with you does not measure how much he likes you. There are women who have done this and after finally sleeping with the guy he never calls them again. My advice to women would be wait until the man you’re dating has decided to take your relationship to the next level and there’s exclusivity, face book status changed, commitment from both parties, he actually loves you and you love him. If you are in a serious relationship with someone the likely hood of them using you just for sex is slim because their feelings and time are invested in the relationship. If you choose to have sex with a man before any of this has happened you’re gambling and could quickly find your self in a jump off category when you wanted him to look at you like wifey. This might not be fair but this is how it is and happens to women everyday. How many times must women have their hearts broken from given their bodies to men who never planned to make them their girl? Nothing is wrong with waiting until you’re in a relationship before giving your body to another. If more women did this STD’s wouldn’t be on the rise in our community and single parent homes wouldn’t be at an all time high. If the guy you’re casually sleeping with won’t even make you his girlfriend why are you surprised he doesn’t want to have a baby with you. It’s very sad to see so many young black women in this predicament and it could have been avoided. Ladies understand that your body is precious and should only be given to someone who loves and respects you. If you choose to be “sexually free” and do what you want to do by all means live your life, but understand there are consequences to all actions and when sex is involved it’s almost never a small price to pay. There should never be a price tag or time period stamped on what’s between your legs. If you use any time sensitive rule to gage your sexual behavior you’re playing a dangerous game and the outcome might not be what you hoped for. – Love your self today more than you did yesterday
Young, Black, and Informed 
THANK YOU THANK YOU,
I’ve been telling women this for years. I’m a very honest person and I have to tell my friends the truth. I understand how amazing sex is but my friends don’t seem to understand that sex really shouldn’t be happening. You should be making love. To me making love is when you’re mind, body & soul are coming together. I truly believe that alot of women don’t love themselves. They see sex as being the only way to interest a man becuase they feel their looks and their body or their personality isn’t enough to keep a man interested. However, women fear being alone or at least my friends do and I’m like your not alone your in a relationship with your self and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m just glad that your putting this out there and I can only hope that women read your words and understand that making love is a amazing expereince and you shouldn’t feel pressure to do it ever. However, that also goes with the fact that people need to remember that if you are doing grown folks actions then you should be able to have grown folk conversations and make grown folk decisions.
Ladies, If you are buying into this “90 day rule” business -just realize that
the guy you’re interested in is -actively- shopping for (and probably test driving)
others in the meanwhile.
Stick with the 3-date rule, that’s plenty time to cut him loose or reel him in.